Articles
“Is Parenting Hazardous?”
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Psalm 127:3
The U.S. surgeon general, Dr. Vivek Murthy, issued an advisory last week: parenting can be harmful to your mental health (https://www.wsj.com/tech/personal-tech/surgeon-general-warning-parenting-mental-health-53f75c63). Murthy cites several surveys in which parents in particular report overwhelming stress and loneliness. It may bring a certain amount of relief to parents to have their challenges acknowledged by the state. Americans are trying to raise their children in an increasingly politically divided and violent nation all while battling rising costs due to inflation, longer working hours and the threats of social media.
Murthy isn’t suggesting people stop having kids. “There are so many joys and benefits that can come with parenting,” he says. “They can coexist with the stress parents feel.” His prescription to the problem is a predictable mix of institutional actions like child tax credits and workplace training to better screen for anxiety and individual actions like exercising mindfulness and self-care. You may agree or disagree with Murthy’s solution but as a father of two young children he shows some compassion and is trying to help.
But that’s the surgeon general, America’s “first chief wellness officer.” What does Jesus the Great Physician prescribe to stressed out parents? How can the gospel bring peace to Christian moms and dads?
Pray your anxieties — Jesus does not want Christian parents (or any of his people) to be crippled by anxiety. Rather than being anxious about parenthood, we ought to pray. When we acknowledge our stress to God in prayer and remind ourselves of his ability to help, “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4:6-7) There is always some correlation between our level of anxiety and our prayer life. “O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer!”
Trust your Lord —“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Mt. 6:34) Jesus tells us not to be anxious about our life (or the life of our children) but rather to trust God by seeking first his kingdom and his righteousness. Parents do this by giving their fears to him in prayer and parenting according to his will, trusting that he will provide what is needed for the day’s troubles (Mt. 6:25-33). God’s will is for parents to train their children according to the “discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). A failure to strike that delicate balance by emphasizing one over the other will only cause further stress and “trouble.”
Simplify your schedule — Remember, Jesus said “seek first his kingdom,” signifying that God’s kingdom should be the number one priority of Christian parents. We add undue stress to our lives by packing our schedule so tight that the spiritual health of our family is neglected. There should be nothing more important to parents than their children knowing and loving God. God’s will is for families to serve him together (Josh 24:15). Rather than prioritizing our schedule we ought to schedule our priorities. Therefore, parents need to learn to say “no” to secondary, temporal things in order to make room for the primary, eternal things (2 Cor. 4:16-18).
Cut your budget — Yes, everything is getting more expensive and American incomes are not rising to keep up with inflation but Christian parents mustn’t fall prey to despair and playing the blame-game. We are called to exercise self-control and moderation (Gal. 5:23; 2 Tim. 1:7). A weak economy is a good opportunity for Christians to tighten their belts and practice frugality by only purchasing what is needful. Much debt comes from wasteful spending and can become a form of slavery (Prov. 22:7-9). By showing financial discipline, we reduce the stresses caused by debt: unpaid bills, mounting interest payments, complexity and embarrassment (Prov. 30:7-9).
Count your blessings — Living a more simplified life will free up finances and more time to do what matters most. We can learn to be content in every circumstance by finding our primary source of strength in Christ, not the things of this world (Phil. 4:10-13; 1 Jn. 2:15-17). Contentment also comes from counting our blessings and giving thanks to God (Col. 3:15-17). We maintain a humble and grateful heart by recognizing that, in Christ, we always have reason to celebrate (Phil. 4:4). Our heart of gratitude will impact our children… but so will our bitter complaining. Which example will draw them nearer to Christ?
The surgeon general says that parenting can be hazardous to our mental health. We freely admit a certain amount of stress comes from parenting. Who among us has not given their parents a headache or two? But when we follow God’s will for the family, parenthood can be a fulfilling, joyful and rewarding experience (Psa. 127:3). Parents are stewards of their children meant to train them up to follow the Lord and send them out to do his will (Prov. 22:6). Therefore, parents have an eternal influence on their children’s delicate hearts (Col. 3:21). But with a Father like God, we have the perfect example (Psa. 103:13; Lk. 15:11-32).
The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice;
he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him.
Proverbs 23:24
