Articles
“Seeking the World's Approval”
“Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets.”
Luke 6:26
Everyone wants to be liked. Just last week, I took the dog for a walk and gave a friendly greeting to my neighbor hoping to start a conversation. He dismissed me with a curt wave of his hand and turned away to cut off any chance of a dialogue. It was deliberate… and expected. There is a history there that I won’t bore you with but it amounts to this: a few years ago, he came to me for advice and my counsel displeased him greatly. I tried to explain the Lord’s way and it offended him because, I think, it involved his repentance. Ever since, our relationship has been frosty. But it got me thinking. I get along great with all my other neighbors and I was genuinely upset that I had made it on this guy’s hit list.
In my sulking I at least had the presence of mind to pray about it, asking the Lord to restore the relationship. But even my prayer worried me. Was I praying for restoration so that my neighbor and I might be chummy again or was I praying for restoration so that he might come to know the Lord? In the recesses of my heart, buried beneath layers of self-justification, I detected an unhealthy craving to be liked. By God’s grace, I’ve mostly rid myself of this thinking but there are still remnants of the “old man.”
I wonder, do you also struggle with this? Psychologists explain the desire to be liked as a natural tendency to strengthen bonds within a social group. Since rejection could mean ostracism, it’s in our best interest to be “liked” (accepted). A certain amount of this is certainly true and good. Nevertheless, it rankled because if this social pressure becomes the primary motivation for our behavior, it can lead to such things as great anxiety, conflict avoidance at all cost, the inability to face rejection and the weakening of conviction—all things which will destroy a society. It’s at this point psychologist say that the key to overcoming our need to be liked is to “connect with your own self-approval and be your authentic self.” This is, of course, utter hogwash. The answer lies above us, not within us.
If you are a Christian, you cannot expect to be liked by everyone. Paul said, “if possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Rom. 12:18) That is, don’t go out of your way to make enemies. Not only are we to refuse to repay evil for evil (Rom. 12:17; Prov. 20:22), but we must take the initiative in positive peacemaking (Mt. 5:9), even if, as the two qualifications indicate, this is not always possible. The truth is, some people are not willing to live at peace with us or they may put conditions on reconciliation which involve an unacceptable moral compromise.
We are called to suffer as Jesus suffered, innocently, peacefully and faithfully (1 Pet. 2:21-23), entrusting ourselves to a faithful Creator while doing good (1 Pet. 4:19). If you are not liked because you are a jerk, that’s something you’ve got to work on. However, if you are not liked because you told someone an uncomfortable truth out of your love and concern for him, you should expect as much. In fact, we’re in good company when we face social rejection for our commitment to the gospel.
This brings us to our Lord’s words in Luke 6:26, “Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets.” True prophets were hated and mistreated, some even tortured and killed (Heb. 11:32-38), because their message was unsavory. Those who tell people what they want to hear (modern analogues to the false prophets of old) are regarded with honor by society. People spoke “well” of them. We, on the other hand, are “the aroma of Christ”; to those who are being saved, we are “a fragrance from life to life,” but to those who are perishing, a stench “from death to death.” (2 Cor. 2:15-16) There’s bound to be tension when saints live “in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation,” shining as “lights in the world.” (Phil. 2:15)
Therefore, we ought rather to be suspicious (even mourn: "woe") when “all people speak well of [us].” A person is known by his enemies just as much as he is known by his friends. “Friendship with the world is enmity with God.” (Jas. 4:4) “If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” (Jn. 15:19) When we seek the approval of the world, we are not seeking first the kingdom of God and his righteousness (Mt. 6:33)
We all face decisions between doing what is comfortable and easy and doing what is necessary and right. If we choose to do what is right we are going to get knocked down on occasion. But don’t fret. The Lord will get you back on your feet. He calls you “blessed.” So don’t go chasing after the affections of others. Stay in the company of the righteous (Psalm 1). The key to overcoming this unhealthy desire to be liked is to seek to please the one who made you (Gal. 1:10; 2 Cor. 5:9). If you make this your single desire, his peace will guard you (Phil. 4:7).
“Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for so their fathers did to the prophets.”
Luke 6:22
